current plans

1. i'm thinking of going to the province..maybe tomorrow morning or afternoon. it doesn't matter if i have classes a few days after that..it's my dad's birthday as well, i already made a promise to him and i'm not planning to break that.

2. once i get to province i'm planning on posting up some pics there, might as well advertise the place, i'm sure dad has grand plans, i just hope he doesn't screw up there.

3. the problems still continue, but i'm currently trying to fix them all. alright so i didn't fail...yet. i have yet to know what happened, so i plan to go there some other time to know my grades, i don't have plans on continuing ittc any longer, although i'd reconsider jap since it's a good subject, how about philnits? i'll still take it, for my own sake.

4. i'll study at a school that has better proximity, if dad will study in meralco then it will be also good if i study there too, at least there won't be any problems with travel. or maybe try out in IETI, i don't know if the Las Piñas branch is good but i sure hope they'd be able to give me a better understanding of those subjects.

5. TESDA is also good, i want to try it there sometime, i guess short courses are the ones i really need right now, i don't want to wait as long as 1 year for this.

6. JLPT Level 3...i know i'm crazy.

7. however it's really difficult creating a split decision...i hate it when it comes to that, and sometimes i get the shorter end of the stick. i guess i'll just choose what's best for me.

8. ITTC has had it's share of good and bad, everything has that..the world will not have any balance if there isn't any..LOL. failing..a lot, made me learn a little but it killed my buzz. i'm just concerned if continuing there would still benefit me, it's like i'm just fooling around with my life.

9. ok, enough whining, i'll face those problems when i come back.

10. i'm still trying tor reflect on what should i do next, i feel like i'm on a bigger dead end, confused, dazed, like nowhere to go, i don't know. most people can't even give me a good advice, it's usually like more of a criticism of my nature..(sorry about that.) so what should i do now? i'm still empty...so empty.

11. i guess for now, i'll just book myself for a provincial trip.

owarimashou

the first quarter has officially ended.

one must wonder what's next? will i continue? will i be able to continue? or is it game over? i don't know. but i know for sure that i have at least 3 subjects that are in critical condition...i wonder what will happen. as for that i've got other solutions, i've made up my mind to just pursue what i need to pursue and that's it.

if i may add System Development has been passed by yours truly. so that makes it 5 subjects + 1 for japanese so it's six. i know c programming sucked big time, and i know i'm on my way out...so i guess i just have to end it here before anymore damage takes place or whatever.

so for now, i'm off to jobstreet, jobsdb again to look for work, i might invite a few peeps too, but i think i should set out on my own, and i'll try my luck for now. i'm just worried that mom will be quitting work soon, that's why i need to be able to replace her soon.

Otaku Taikii 2009

this is the after party of last saturday night's drinking party, this is like a bonus day since everyone enjoyed it as usual, it was fun, lively, full of genkiness and everything in between..well at least that's how it should be. can't wait for the next event..you know the cool thing? i've got a free ticket at the next event this october OMG LOL.. me and chris strikes again. ^_^

toki wa auto wo kouro ga arimasu

while listening to the ost3track1 -> hiten mitsurugi ryu


this week had a good share of ups and downs..but once again despair wins ^_^

anyway, i'll start on wednesday.. last wednesday it was half-day...how could anyone not be happy because of that? LOL it was jap 8-12 man, i'll miss sensei if i ever get moved to another class...zannen desu yo T_T anyways, the sign ups have been done..i'm taking jlpt level 3..seriously..although i'm not thinking of passing that unless i do something drastic..um like actual studying and not just watching anime LOL..right now i feel like i'm straying again from the original game plan..i wonder why am i so changeable...and this is coming from the person who hates change LOL.

we had a Princess Mononoke movie watching although it kinda...bored me..so I went straight home. now this is where the trouble started i forgot to withdraw money to pay for the exam.. watashi no hontou wa baka desu yo T_T, and on thursday that was the first time i f*cked up on the MRT..i fell asleep..and i was already on North Avenue station..f*ck.. i had no choice but to waste 150 bucks for a f*cking taxi just to get there to UP, good thing the driver was considerate with me..that he didn't take too much and for that i'm grateful. and here we are again..accounting...i hate that subject too. well what can i do..i have to f*cking pass this subject or else..there are no removals..only 8 items..goodness gracious..i'm dead meat.

anyway..my short-term dream in UP ITTC has ran its course and i think it has been a rough but good one albeit all the negative reactions i've been receiving lately. it's ok..for all i know my life will not be over yet. i'll just start over again, i will not waste this year for nothing.

grades will be made available on aug. 26 so better watch out what's gonna happen soon.
if were gonna enroll in jap only or still be a full time student or...is aug. 26 the very last day in up ittc.

on the contrary of all this...if i pass and move on to the next quarter...i don't care how difficult it is...my life is already f*cked up as it has been(ongoing for 21 years already), adding this won't mean sh*t. all i have to do now is survive the second quarter till i get to the network systems..right now.. my chances are slim and none.

my passed subjects
w/o removals
Computer Security
Network Systems

w/ removals
Program Logic Formulation
Database Systems

elective subject
Japanese Language

besides those ones mentioned i failed to pass the removals of the other subjects as well. that kinda tells me that i'm not that good of a student...maybe a full time course does not suit me anymore. at least i tried..that's all. nothing malicious about my decision to go and try UP ITTC for a change, even if it's for the first and last time, at least i was able to taste some university style of learning, which for me is already a big thing. i have no regrets. if i had one, that would be against me being still an "AMA Student" and not showing any EFFORT at all.

**************************************************************************************
SIDE NOTE
**************************************************************************************
i apologize if my english is starting to become engrish LOL it is because i'm learning another language that strays from my native tongue. but it's enjoyable so just deal with it XD.
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END OF SIDE NOTE
**************************************************************************************

another milestone

zetsubou-daigakuinsei reporting in

before reporting the milestone.

Jap 13/20 -> almost survived the kanji, that's the cost of not studying and f*cking yourself up as usual, although what matters is you're passing and understanding even just a little bit, that's already good enough for me.

i'm thinking of how to do some good blogskins or whatever... might as well plan it this coming weekend.

and now for the milestone itself.

I Passed..nope..I Perfected the finals exam for Computer Security..finally for the first time or probably the last time LOL...no removals yeah! ^_^ 10/10

and now for the tomorrow..or should i say later since it's already suiyoubi

today should be no classes.

but according to our sensei in japanese there will be a japanese session..
i wonder what could it be?

anyways, that's still a good opportunity..or might be a HELL of a half-day..

let's hope for something good. as far as i know i'm too far to have problems with the subject, i just need to read more, that's all.

so tomorrow, it's a half-day ^_^ gozen hachiji kara juuniji made desu~

zetsubou-daigakuinsei reporting out

quickie

just a quick post.

i'm thinking of posting some of my mySQL stuff here in the near future. and this coming sunday i plan to take on that 3D course i'm just interested with it, if i get to renew some of those interest back i might have some cool hobby too. ^_^

the first-ever positive report ^_^

getsuyoubi: i tried to re-create some waves for myself, i had a very crappy weekend though i learned a lot and i needed that kind of recharge, although i did get late but i was catching up real good. the japanese classes were fine though. i had a lot of catching up to the database part. since i was absent the whole mokuyoubi/kinyoubi well too bad. another thing would be the sql activities which i like so much

kayoubi: the mySQL magic was so into this day, i kinda screwed the day with me saying "finally i got you!" haha japanese was also good, just a little bit more practice.

suiyoubi: still mySQL the last day and probably the excruciating part was i failed the exams LOL 14/20 T_T anyway i did my f*cking best. the japanese lessons had a few additions and it was good.

mokuyoubi: i got a little bit late, i went to school like 11 AM LOL sorry to the japanese teacher in jap business class, i wasn't expecting that OMG. well he's a cool teacher and i think i'll learn a lot from him, i sure hope he keeps teaching us, he's fun, lively and energetic, man that teacher is like oozing with a lot of those, everybody needs that kind of teacher at least ONCE in the student's lives haha so it's like that...i've been genki all week hahaha. oh wait the removals...i did fail miserably just 1 point away but i came back full swing, full force...i owned the exam 20/20 (evil laugh!) i didn't see the results myself but i did hear it and i think that i got everything right..OMG, if i'd still be given a chance here then i'll try.

kinyoubi: that was yesterday, i was like OMG i have to go early, and i should go early T_T, luckily i was able to get in just 5-10 minutes away from the exam. japanese exam was like a breeze even though yeah the grammar part plus vocabularies are really a hell of a problem but still a 40.5/56 ^_^ heheh i might pass jlpt level 4 with that grade but level 3? i don't know. i feel like i screwed myself hahaha don't worry it's not gonna be the end of the world. but it would be cool if i REALLY passed. anyways, i'll go to SM tomorrow for this.

doyoubi: kyou wa doyoubi desu, gozen juuji gojuu. hmmm i'm thinking of ordering out or eating somewhere then go to SM and buy something. like some books, japanese maybe a mySQL practice book and some blank DVD's. OMG i've got requests hahaha sure thing, just pray i'll stay in UP ITTC. no wonder programming is the only thing i can't enjoy..i DO NOT KNOW WHY. after all, it will still depend on how good the teacher is, i don't need a kind one, or a forgiving one, i just need someone who knows how to be PATIENT and is ABLE to tap in the "PROGRAMMER" inside of all of us.

anyways that's the weekly report. see you soon!

countdown.

tick-tock. tick-tock.


that's like the sound of the clock in my house right now..and it's like that time left for me at school. i don't know if i can still get back there, it does seem a waste if i'm not going to learn anything,it might even be a waste of money as well..i mean 28k that's big, i can't provide that anymore,time is also of the essence, i don't know what to do now. but i still plan to go for the exams such as philnits and jlpt. i may have bitten more than i could chew, looks like my sensei doesn't have that much faith in me, maybe because i keep failing the exams? or maybe it's because she probably thinks that i won't make it, because always coming late would probably look like i'm conceited..sorry about that. it's not my fault, well it's my fault actually, i always get up late and everything f*cks up which sucks. anyway, i'd just have to work harder for japanese language after all i like that language.

as for the IT part, i really sucked on the normalization 1NF,2NF,3NF...i hate those LOL. but SQL came and it reeked of awesomeness. it's something like a review for me, i was actually fast because i had experience with that. and i was kinda overjoyed from the inside and it really helped get my composure, although SQL should not be underestimated, despite it being a very simple language, it can also be complicated at times. but i really like producting those cool results. anyway, another day for SQL tomorrow, can't wait for that. i'd like to be tested, hopefully i'd get something done too. and even though i was absent, i'll show them that i can do it. i do have that little pride in me about this. so basically if i fail, i'm not just failing myself, but i'm failing my teacher way back, since back then i may not have been his best student but i really learned a lot. and for that thanks!

half-day didn't mean anything actually

alright i've done a few things and i think i'm not gonna be at school tomorrow. so i'll be back by monday i guess i'll just finish this all up and then go ahead and rest for the weekend after all i'm all f*cked up for not ACTUALLY doing anything it's because my mind is refusing to do it. i don't know, perhaps hate is a strong word, and it is a strong emotion, therefore i'll make a promise right now and do something tonight and pass EVERYTHING from the exercises and whatsoever, i'll just go visit the doctor probably on saturday just to have a checkup or maybe to the dentist i don't know, we're good at making excuses and explanations so i better give one probably next week, but you know what i'm starting to feel a bit neet-like. like there is a need for me to come back to work and just get the appropriate short course, because i just need to. this is probably the last waves of my immaturity i'm learning some life lessons the hard way and regrets really are teaching me how to handle such decisions. anyways, i've made up my mind and i'll pursue networking at IETI this is the nearest in my vicinity just a walking distance from my home, i hope i'll learn and after that 40 hours is over, i'll think about it and probably go through with finding work soon. i don't know where, but i'll try my best. they said that CISCO is available on Tuesdays however i don't know for sure yet..but i'll try probably next month after this stint with UP ITTC is over. look, my parents did not push me for this, i pushed myself..maybe i took more than i could, and it's starting to break apart which is bad. and before it escalates and becomes worse, i must break the chain. now i'm wondering what's gonna happen to japanese lessons now that i might be gone there soon, i might come back or i might not. but the japanese lessons are just so awesome, i skipped class today just to finish kanji even though i'm not yet a master of it, but i'll do better next time, at least i'm already good with memorizing those stuff i hope to improve in the next years. Japan will always be my target. whether i'll work there, or live there..that will be my final frontier.

monthly colorgenics. 3 times already and it's been telling a lot of truths..i wonder..

Date: 8/4/2009
Colorgenics Number: 70354621

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

At this moment in time you feel as if you have lost the strength of will to contend with existing problems and difficulties which appear to you as deliberate opposition. You are trying to stand your ground but the pressures are intolerable. You would like some co-operation from those around you but it's not forthcoming so you feel that, in its absence, there is nothing you can do to improve the current situation. You would like nothing better than to 'get away from it all'.

Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled physical or emotional needs are producing considerable stress. You react to this by blaming everyone but yourself. You are aggressive, sarcastic and embittered. Try to be understanding and a little flexible - it will pay dividends in the long run. and it could well be that accordingly all of your dreams could soon be realised.

わたしのゆうつだいいちわ (watashi no yuutsu dai ichi wa)

as i took the unscheduled rest day..in which i was absent due to some personal problems and to the assignment that was left untouched because of some circumstances beyond my control but i'll try again tomorrow. anyway i kinda looked up to the sky twice. i realized i was totally out of sync,depressed,unwilling to think or do anything, this is a problem..a big problem for me. it must be fixed no matter what. i did learn my lessons back then but i think i still haven't learned that much. the reason i took up the course is that i was disillusioned with my current job, although one big difference is it pays-off. i gave up work to get to this school system to get a better job but i realized during my days here..it started to sour. today was the worst hit. i was thinking of really QUITTING for good. i don't think i'd have anym reason for staying in that institution anymore. looks like i'm disillusioned with life, i should probably think about my life for now. because i don't think that tomorrow or any other day would be different. august 26, the last day, i'd probably be on my way out. i wish i could do it earlier, because i'm really in a bad mood now. just for additional..i kinda looked up to the sky earlier this afternoon and a few hours ago..i just realized that what i said earlier, should be done. there is a lot of options left, i might lose the jap part which i really love so much, i guess everything has to go the hard way. nothing easy is in my life i guess..never was and never will. next month i want to look at that full moon again and probably enjoy something else. once again..this kind of lifestyle is not working for me anymore, unless i'm working to earn money then i'd take exception..but i'm kind of in a losing end. time is money, everything is almost spent with it, without it i won't make it in this world anyway. to sum up the first episode. thanks to everyone, but it's time to go. i'll post some prelude tomorrow morning. remember WEDNESDAY YOU SHOULD FINISH THE ASSIGNMENT OR ELSE!

one blogpost of seriousness

ok. let me get this off my mind once and for all. if i'll have anymore to say then i'll say it some other time. but today is different.

the word today is disillusionment. honestly, i'm so disappointed with my performance at ittc. never had i become so low like this, i kinda felt i should've just chosen a different path last may. from may onwards until now it's been nothing but pure disappointment. oh, i took one day of absence .. again. because i wanted to think more of what should i do first. i was thinking of finishing the programs today. and looking for more examples. since wednesday is officially no classes i'd also do some time with it. but please don't expect me to pass ittc now. because i think i am on my way out sooner than expected. i should've just gone for the mfi. i think short courses fit me now because a full time is just like short course in "everyday" mode. now i don't really have any bad opinions about the school. i think it's awesome. but what's not cool is me. it's been quite a ride so far, but just like some famous person way back..."short ride, bad landing". now i'm on a crossroad. do i continue? or do i submit my official "quit". i can just quit anytime you know...i mean financially it's already been bad for my family i just couldn't take to account the school..a full time school. i must've bite more than i could ever chew. i'm not looking fore any sympathy regarding this fact, because it's gonna hurt me more. although the japanese was very exceptional i'd have to apologize for that part. but the IT..it looked like i just slapped myself in the face.

if i leave now. what would leave me with? nothing. but i'd still have another chance at mfi. they've got short courses there in a span of a few months. hopefully i'd be able to get that scholarship thing there. or maybe if not in mfi, just in ieti, it could also be good. i just need to be knowledgeable with cisco. that's just it.
i have less than 4 weeks left in all actuality. i don't know what's gonna happen in the next days. i just don't like what's happening now. i'm not satisfied. as a matter of fact, i'm upset, depressed and really "disconnected" to quote somebody. something tells me i should just go ahead and have my hair cut, beard shaven, look fresh again coz you know everything has been so depressing as of late. any lesser person would've committed suicide now. this is one of those things that i don't like when you're all alone.

i wonder what should i do now with my life? do i set myself free now from that program? or do i continue? i just remembered that my parents did not force me to do this..it was all upon my own accord. but the problem was the costs were handled by my mother which it would be a waste if i don't finish this one quarter. let august 26 be my last day in up ittc. it's been fun and short. but i'm not continuing this anymore. i'd have to find some other way to fill this huge void in my education. because yes, the jobs aren't really hard to find. it's just that..they're hard to find you.

tomorrow, i have three weeks + this week left to make or break. i'll try to redeem myself. but i won't ever make hasty decisions ever again. i sure hope dad when we come back from the province this september we'd be able to get to mfi or any place that would be good for education.

special day this august 5.

PGMA to cut short US trip, declares Aug. 5 special non-working holiday

NEW YORK (via PLDT) -- President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has decided to cut short her trip in the United States and declared Wednesday, August 5, as a special non-working holiday nationwide to give the entire Filipino nation proper time and opportunity to grieve and honor the late former President Corazon Aquino.

Press Secretary Cerge Remonde said former President Aquino, who succumbed to colon cancer early Saturday in Manila will be laid to rest on August 5.

Remonde read the proclamation which the President signed Saturday (Sunday in Manila) during a media interaction with Executive Secretary Eduardo Ermita and Deputy Presidential Spokesperson Lorelei Fajardo at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel here.

“I, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo do hereby declare August 5, 2009, Wednesday, to be a special non-working holiday nationwide in honor of the late former President Corazon C. Aquino,” Remonde quoted the President in her proclamation.

Under the Proclamation, the President said it is but proper to give the entire nation “the opportunity to honor and show their respect, appreciation and gratitude to the beloved former President in their own respective ways.”

Before leaving Washington, D.C. the other night, the President also issued Presidential Proclamation No. 1850 declaring a 10-day period of national mourning from August 1-10.

During the period, Ermita said the Philippine flag in all government offices nationwide will be flown at half mast.

In due respect to the death of former President Aquino, Ermita said President Arroyo also decided to cut short her itinerary to meet with investors and overseas Filipinos in Chicago and Guam.

“The President made the decision to cut short her trip so that we will be there in time for the day of interment of former President Aquino,” he said.

Ermita said the President and her official party will leave here tomorrow, Sunday (Monday in Manila), and will arrive early morning of August 5 in time for a chance to visit the remains of former President Aquino.

Upon their arrival, Ermita said a mass would be held in Malacanang in honor of former President Aquino.

The Aquino family, according to Ermita, has decided to forego the offer of state honors in Malacañang and “politely wished that the interment of President Aquino be as simple as much as possible.”

At the start of her speech during the meeting with the Filipino community at the Sheraton Hotel in Newark on Saturday night, the President also offered a minute of silence in honor of former President Aquino.

source
http://www.news.ops.gov.ph/today.htm

today's two-cents

the importance of being original in which the value of being one of a kind is overlooked by most and appreciated by few.