one blogpost of seriousness

ok. let me get this off my mind once and for all. if i'll have anymore to say then i'll say it some other time. but today is different.

the word today is disillusionment. honestly, i'm so disappointed with my performance at ittc. never had i become so low like this, i kinda felt i should've just chosen a different path last may. from may onwards until now it's been nothing but pure disappointment. oh, i took one day of absence .. again. because i wanted to think more of what should i do first. i was thinking of finishing the programs today. and looking for more examples. since wednesday is officially no classes i'd also do some time with it. but please don't expect me to pass ittc now. because i think i am on my way out sooner than expected. i should've just gone for the mfi. i think short courses fit me now because a full time is just like short course in "everyday" mode. now i don't really have any bad opinions about the school. i think it's awesome. but what's not cool is me. it's been quite a ride so far, but just like some famous person way back..."short ride, bad landing". now i'm on a crossroad. do i continue? or do i submit my official "quit". i can just quit anytime you know...i mean financially it's already been bad for my family i just couldn't take to account the school..a full time school. i must've bite more than i could ever chew. i'm not looking fore any sympathy regarding this fact, because it's gonna hurt me more. although the japanese was very exceptional i'd have to apologize for that part. but the IT..it looked like i just slapped myself in the face.

if i leave now. what would leave me with? nothing. but i'd still have another chance at mfi. they've got short courses there in a span of a few months. hopefully i'd be able to get that scholarship thing there. or maybe if not in mfi, just in ieti, it could also be good. i just need to be knowledgeable with cisco. that's just it.
i have less than 4 weeks left in all actuality. i don't know what's gonna happen in the next days. i just don't like what's happening now. i'm not satisfied. as a matter of fact, i'm upset, depressed and really "disconnected" to quote somebody. something tells me i should just go ahead and have my hair cut, beard shaven, look fresh again coz you know everything has been so depressing as of late. any lesser person would've committed suicide now. this is one of those things that i don't like when you're all alone.

i wonder what should i do now with my life? do i set myself free now from that program? or do i continue? i just remembered that my parents did not force me to do this..it was all upon my own accord. but the problem was the costs were handled by my mother which it would be a waste if i don't finish this one quarter. let august 26 be my last day in up ittc. it's been fun and short. but i'm not continuing this anymore. i'd have to find some other way to fill this huge void in my education. because yes, the jobs aren't really hard to find. it's just that..they're hard to find you.

tomorrow, i have three weeks + this week left to make or break. i'll try to redeem myself. but i won't ever make hasty decisions ever again. i sure hope dad when we come back from the province this september we'd be able to get to mfi or any place that would be good for education.